When My Child Told Me He Didn’t Want to Go to School (and I’m the Principal)

Written by Veronica Chen – Principal of Arborland Montessori Schools

As the principal of Arborland Montessori Schools in Fullerton and a mother of four children, four and under, I wear many hats—educator, administrator, nurturer, and disciplinarian. But last year, one of those hats felt unusually heavy when my 3-year-old son began telling me, quite adamantly, that he didn’t want to go to school..

And not just any school—my school.

The Embarrassment Behind the Scenes You’d think that being the principal of a Montessori school would mean my children are the poster kids for loving school. But every Monday morning, my son would cry, whine, and throw fits. It was embarrassing. I felt like I was failing both as a parent and as a professional.

At first, I responded with authority: “You have to go to school. No excuses.” But that approach only intensified the resistance. The tears didn’t stop. The complaints grew louder. And I realized I needed to stop reacting and start listening.

The Surprising Truth

One quiet afternoon, I sat down with my son and asked him why he didn’t want to go to school. His answer was simple, honest, and eye-opening: “Weekends are more fun.”

He wasn’t wrong. Our weekends were packed with playgrounds, amusement parks, and endless entertainment. Compared to that, school—even Montessori school—felt like a downgrade in a child’s mind.

Rewriting the Weekend Script

That moment shifted everything. I realized that I had unintentionally created a contrast that made school feel dull. So we restructured our weekends—not to eliminate fun, but to balance it. Here’s what we did:

Reinforced Why School Matters—Even When It’s Hard

• Acknowledged that weekends are fun but school helps him grow in special ways

  
  

• You discover new things every day “Your teacher shows you cool stuff—like how to read, do math, and explore science.” (Develop curiosity)

  
  

• You become more confident and independent. “Every time you accomplish something new, especially when it’s hard, you grow braver and stronger.” (Develop resilience)

  
  

• You train your brain “School helps your brain grow—just like exercise helps your muscles.” (Develop critical thinking skills)

  
  

• You get to play with your friends “At school, you practice sharing, helping, and being kind to others.” (Develop collaboration and social-emotional learning)

  
  

• You make me proud. “When you tell me what you learned, I see your efforts and hard work.” (Develop communication skills and good habits) 

Introduced More Practical Weekend Activities

• We visited the library to check out books and foster curiosity.

  
  

• We spent more time working/playing at home to normalize simple joys.

  
  

• We visit parks to enjoy nature and think of questions relating to nature. 

  
  

• We started weekend lessons like swimming and ice skating, and yes, Chinese School, to make learning on the weekends normal.

  
  

• We ran errands together—Target, Costco, Amazon returns—to teach responsibility.

  
  

• We reserved amusement parks and playgrounds for special occasions, like celebrating a great week at school.

  
  

I also began teaching him the concept of rhythm and routine: work time is for work, nap time is for rest, and play time is for play. It took repetition, patience, and natural consequences, but eventually, he understood.

Now, he doesn’t resist school. He shares what his teacher taught him with pride. And I remind him often: “You’re so lucky to have a teacher who teaches you so many things.”

Practical Parenting Tips for Navigating School Resistance

If you’re facing similar struggles, here are some tips that helped me:

• Listen First, React Later:  Ask your child why they don’t want to go to school. Their answers might surprise you.

  
  

• Balance the Weekend:  Avoid making weekends so thrilling that school feels like a letdown. Mix in errands, chores (yes, chores are important to build responsibility in children), and quiet time.

  
  

• Add Learning to Leisure:  Incorporate educational activities like library visits, museums, or creative play to normalize learning outside school.

  
  

• Teach Time and Purpose:  Help your child understand that different times of day (and week) have different purposes—work, rest, play.

  
  

• Celebrate School Wins:  Save special outings for when your child has a great week at school. It reinforces positive behavior.

  
  

• Affirm Their Growth:  Remind them how lucky they are to learn and grow. Celebrate their curiosity and effort.

  
  

• Repeat with Patience:  Change doesn’t happen overnight. Be consistent, and allow natural consequences to reinforce lessons. Parenting while leading a school is humbling. It reminds me that every child—even mine—needs empathy, structure, and a little creative problem-solving. And sometimes, the best lessons come from the smallest voices.